Sunday, September 03, 2006

Burn it down 'til the embers smoke on the ground..

~and start anew when your heart is an empty room, with walls of the deepest blue~

I love death cab..so fucking much...

I feel like eddie wants to fight with me...everytime he calls we end up arguing over our past...and I suppose that's because if it had gone any other way we might still be togeather..and I think ..we..can't let that go...

...there's this huge "what if"...and nothing to do except let it go...

...He doesn't want to see me...no one I know thinks I should see him...so I guess it's not a good idea...but you know...I want to see him for closure more than anything else...just to be standing there next to him so I can think "oh okay..yeah....I got it.." in my head..I dont know..

I'm kinda getting sick of fighting with him about stupid shit that I don't even really care about anymore, but he makes me feel like I was terrible person ..for three years of my life..and I didn't even know it...how am I supposed to react to feeling that way?

...but yeah...switching gears

Sexually..i'm pretty fucked up right now..I know consciously that I wasn't used..that he generally cares about me..I know all that...but my body doesn't...i'll be fine..i'll be fine, i'll be fine, i'll be fine...

Me and Missa are doing really well...I love you gorgeous..I love you.

...other than that..I think i'm getting sick..I don't know what's wrong with me..but I don't feel all that well....we'll see how that goes..

Okay...homework...astronomy...right after I talk Mike down..


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