Friday, June 23, 2006

If I could scream the way I feel to you..i'd say..


My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me?
So I die happy.


My heart is yours to fill or burst, to break or bury, or wear as jewelry.
Whichever you prefer.


I love you! God, why can't you see it!!!
TAKE ME AWAY!!!!!!!!
Please just love me back.
Love me back.
Love me,
Back..

Thursday, June 22, 2006

So that's how it is..cold hard math.

That's fine.
I can deal with that.
I got this..

...just one thing...I'm in love with you.
...I may have forgotten to mention that..

my bad.

Monday, June 19, 2006

It won't do to dream..but i'll do it anyway

I want you. I want you I want you I want you.
God, I want you so much.
I want you to hold me.
I want you to do that thing where you slip your arm under my waist while your making out with me.
I want to feel you on top of me..

I want to sleep with you.
Just sleep. With you.

I want to smell your skin, and run my fingers through your hair. I want to feel your lips pressed against mine, hard, all the time.

I want all that, so much it hurts.


I'm so jaded..

...and your the one that jaded me..

I got everything that I wanted today. Everything.

It didn't all happen like I wanted it to, but it happened. I want to stop rushing, not that going fast is bad ...it's just...I want to savor it...

but then again, I'm already asking for a lot.

So, I smoke.

...damn. I'm gonna work on that...eventually.

Emily rose is the most perfect baby i've ever seen in my life, and I am extremely happy to be around her, she's awesome. I love my cousin Jill. She's so much like me..and I admire her for her experience. Awesome. I think that's why I like her name so much.

Anyway, They're great. Really great.

Things are good.

But I must confess...I wish I could see more of you...

Saturday, June 17, 2006

No one knows how to read me like you do...

I can forgive myself for a lot of things..but I think my hypocrisy is going to be one of the harder things..

It's one thing to ....but to be that hypocritical about it?

...I think I crossed a line I set for myself, and now I feel kinda shitty..

...Kinda...

My days are -work- and what sucks the most is that I wont be here to get my check.

That blows.

I decided that maybe it would be best if I stopped hiding my feelings. I mean shit, if I have to live with them, I might as well be open about how I feel...and maybe it'll help lessen my hypocrisy.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

He loves me..He loves me not.

New plan.

I am going to accept you for who you are..

When you don't act the way I hoped you would I will not get upset.
I will love you completely for who you are, and I won't get upset when you don't act like who I want you to be..
because I can't change you..and I don't want to..

...I will try to stop believeing that you really want to be with her..
even though I wouldn't blame you if you did..

I will attempt not to be so high strung.
I will attempt not to be so high maintenance.
I will attempt not to be so me.

Even though that's supposed to be what you love about me...

Monday, June 12, 2006

Dancing through life...

My favorite thing in the world is to dance around the house to a good song, with both hands waving free, twirling, shaking my hips, and screaming at the top of my lungs.

Last night I did that for hours

I had an awesome graduation party
I've ended up with enough money to buy pretty much everything I need for college
I'm so excited about going, like seriously..


I get my CAR back today!!! YAY!!! I'm going to hug it so hard.

Today is a good day.


Saturday, June 10, 2006

...It's much better to face these kind of things with a sense of poise and rationality..

Whoa..weird night.
No, weird day.

I had a bad peppermint..like..it dissolved in my mouth in like 30 seconds..like I couldn't even TASTE it, it was gone so quick.. and I'd like to just leave it at that.

On the upside I finally got in contact with my room-mate! She looks cool, and normal! I'm really excited..I think a good room-mate is gonna help me feel a lot better about going..

I've been spending time with my friends...just in like 2 min intervals when they give me rides places..

I get my car back on like friday, and I am counting the days.

I feel good..just tired..I work all the time since the other manager quit..and I have to take on all her hours..which are all the hours I normally don't work.

I don't know about six flags, i'm kinda rollercostared out...but we'll see..St.Lewis anyone?

Man...Brett...man..

So we'll see how it all goes..

I'm enjoying the miseray though, definately enjoying it.


Tuesday, June 06, 2006

..Hold on to people they're slipping away..


Well, my title says it all.

I can't hold on tight enough.
I cry all the time.

I'm completely in love with my life right now, and i'm completely in love with all the people in my life..I can't let go..I can't move on..

Not enough time, for all that I want for you. Not enough time, for every kiss and every touch, and all the nights I wanna be inside you- I wanna make time stop, make time stop, make time stop.

Monday, June 05, 2006

I would like to stop bleeding now..

I'm at a weird point right now.
The birth control is making me feel very openminded and clear headed
Like...i'm not getting upset about things..i'm just very "yeah...that's cool"
So, yeah. That's cool.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

I know who I want to take me home.

I'm just waiting...

...Waiting to see what this other half of mine is going to do...

...If I know him..he'll call ...

When he runs out of cigerattees.

We'll see, until then...i'm fine

Really, I'm good.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

...Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat...

I feel like laughing, but I might cry.
I don't want it to end.

Why do you love me? Why do you love me? Why do you love me? It's driving me crazy.
I get back up and I do it again. Get back up and I do it again. Yeah I get back up and I do it, I do it again.

And I'll do it Again, and Again
Because peppermints taste so good.