Okay...I'm going to vent for a minute and then i'm going to let it go...
This god-damn mother-fucking ipod. First of all, it was a perfectly good ipod and it's not my fault it broke. I bought him it, he loved it, he broke it.. so...why did I offer to fix it in the first place? Why? Why did I ACTUALLY fix it? What the fuck is wrong with me? I must be out of my fucking mind. Seriously. *Screams*
You know why?
Because for some reason, I needed to apologize...for fucking up our relationship so royally. I needed to apologize for my behavior the last month we were together, for how insane I was..I needed to say "here, take this, because i'm still incredibily in love with you and I need to buy you something expensive, even though your an asshole who stepped on my heart.."
Because I want to say all those things but can't....because I don't want him to forget about me...about the good things...about the ...time we spent together..
Because I am so afraid that I threw away the best man i'll ever be with...
because for some reason I wasn't fucking good enough...I'm not fucking good enough...
I...am so mad...and upset...and hurt...
because he got everything he wanted from me...and I get...nothing...
I feel -lucky- i'm still on his myspace, i'm lucky that i'm number eight...I feel like it's a Gift that he still talks to me...like I've done something wrong
because I believe i've done something wrong...and I can't figure out what...
Because i'm fucking insane.
....I can feel myself at a cross road...and I can either go down or up...and I'm not going down...I refuse to go down.
This god-damn mother-fucking ipod. First of all, it was a perfectly good ipod and it's not my fault it broke. I bought him it, he loved it, he broke it.. so...why did I offer to fix it in the first place? Why? Why did I ACTUALLY fix it? What the fuck is wrong with me? I must be out of my fucking mind. Seriously. *Screams*
You know why?
Because for some reason, I needed to apologize...for fucking up our relationship so royally. I needed to apologize for my behavior the last month we were together, for how insane I was..I needed to say "here, take this, because i'm still incredibily in love with you and I need to buy you something expensive, even though your an asshole who stepped on my heart.."
Because I want to say all those things but can't....because I don't want him to forget about me...about the good things...about the ...time we spent together..
Because I am so afraid that I threw away the best man i'll ever be with...
because for some reason I wasn't fucking good enough...I'm not fucking good enough...
I...am so mad...and upset...and hurt...
because he got everything he wanted from me...and I get...nothing...
I feel -lucky- i'm still on his myspace, i'm lucky that i'm number eight...I feel like it's a Gift that he still talks to me...like I've done something wrong
because I believe i've done something wrong...and I can't figure out what...
Because i'm fucking insane.
....I can feel myself at a cross road...and I can either go down or up...and I'm not going down...I refuse to go down.
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