Female seeking...well..seeking...life...

Mood: calm and clear headed
Music: Wait By: Get Set Go

Wait, wait for the dawn my dear, wait till the sun gets here, and you will wait too long, he will gone. Wait. Wait till the sun shines through, wait till the sky is blue, and you will wait too long, he will be gone.

Eddie left me.

Two in the morning, I got a call..

Apparently we aren't compatable.

Well, you didn't have to tell me that. I know that opposites attract.

When I tried to explain to Eddie, that I was attracted to our uncompatable(ness), when I told him that I feel like he completed me, and when I asked him not to leave before we actually had a go of it...a real life go...I was hit with "I can't"...

Okay...he can't. Okay...I get it.

I got it.

I went into shock...real life shock. I was sitting with my feet in a very pretty foutain, and I was in complete shock. I think I would have sat there for a lot longer than I did if melissa hadn't moved me..

I went through my phases...I cried..alot. I tried to hurt myself. I got angry. Really angry (okay, i'm still angry) and then it was gone...and the calm came..

I've done a lot of thinking these last 12 hours..and I have my conclusion, I have my closure (no thanks to eddie..who has given me..well...none )..and here it is..

I know how to love. I am an awesome lover. I don't always have the right thing to say, and I don't always have the right reaction to certain situations...but I am none the less, and awsome lover.

I would have done it..As my father told me, I would have pullled that "trigger" and moved down to Georgia for the man I loved, for the man who I thought loved me..Why? Why would I have done that, despite everyone's objections, despite all the money??

Because I know how to love.

Because Eddie Calvin Key was the love of my life, and my rock. He would have made so many things possible for me. I've always wanted to travel, and I've always wanted to study somewhere where my studies were all i'd have to concentrate on...unfortunatley that isn't going to be possible now..at least not for awhile..

Just so it's clear, to everyone..I am not going to Georgia, not because of the fact that Eddie left me, but because of the fact that, Eddie left me. Don't get it? That's okay. It's because the person that would have helped me out down there, the person who would have helped me when I needed help...has broken my heart. Has proven that he is a coward, and a man who..just..isn't ready...to love.

Did we end on good terms? No, no we did not. Maybe if he had chosen not to forsake me, maybe if he had been a little nicer, and a little more understanding of what he was doing..it would be okay, and I would still be going..But it didn't happen that way...I was hit with a lot of truth's "I never wanted you to come to my college, for two reasons..ect ect" followed by a lot of "I can't" and "No"..

Like I said...no closure..

So i'm staying...here..at least for the time being..until I can become financially secure enough not to have to relay on my mother...(who has told me that eddie has not only broken one heart, but two..her's)

I don't really know what's to become of me...my american dream has been shattered..

and now it appears I will have to make my own..

Okay...

One thing i'm certain of though...I'm gonna be just fine. It isn't my fault that my partner wasn't ready, didn't want to continue, didn't want me anymore. That's not my fault. I'm good at loving someone, if I can only get the chance..

So i'll wait...for that "Mr. Right"...and hopefully he'll come along one day..and that picture of Eddie and My future..in the back of my mind...hopefully that will fade...and i'll heal without a limp...

...we'll see...

Regaurdless...i'll get over it...somehow..

Wait. Wait till the signs are right, wait till the perfect time, and he will be gone.
He will be gone...
He will be...gone...