Monday, July 10, 2006

I just realized

I just realized that it kinda looks like I idolize eddie...if you read all my blogs..

Who am I? Am I this person? This person who picks their boyfriend's college..have I fucking sold my soul to GSU, because that's what I feel like..I can't leave there...I can't undo what i'm doing..

If I stay there I would have to finish two years...or the time would be worthless, and i'm not sure that I can do that..

Pick triton, Pick triton Ally, do it DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh god, sweet jesus what the fuck am I doing?

It's not too late, I can still back out..i'll have only lost three years, and about 3,ooo dollars...I can back out...

and i'm thinking, it would be so awesome right now, if my life just ended, and I didn't have to make this fucking decision...

I mean..i'm not really in eddie's life anyway, and he only "kinda" wants me to be there..and it's looking like he wants to teach overseas...and basically it's looking like he hasn't planned me into his life anyway..

so me stepping out of it would be easy...right?
I'm having a hard time here..dealing with the fact that i'm leaving my friends, and my brett and my melissa...

Missa...I love you. I love you I love you I love you I love you I'm so sorry i've been putting you second...because i'm leaving you too...and we should do something
not a movie not something where we can't talk...because I need to talk to you

Your my best friend, my BEST friend..

...If eddie could just ..say something..to make me feel like i'll be okay..then maybe i'll be okay..
Because brett and melissa can tell me it's going to be okay all they want..but that it's going to help...






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