Horse of a different color

Hopefully today will be a productive kind of day. I'd like to get my oil changed on my car, it's 2,000 miles overdue. I'd also really like to stop by Loyola to submit some paperwork for both Mike and I for the August semester.

I'm beating around the bush about the bigger issue here. Masella is done with me. I blew him out, so to speak. I do that from time to time. I make my friends hate me, I push them past their limit until they can't stand to be around me for one more second. It would seem I did that here.

I broke his heart. Led him on for way too long. Strung him along by a rope until he was finally able to cut through it and run in the opposite direction.

I do have one thing to say about this. Good for him.

I was toxic for him, and I'm happy he has finally been able to detach himself from me. I think it will ultimately be for the best. Our breakup (almost 5 years ago) was horrible. I played the "its just not the right time for us" card, and I think it led him to believe that one day I would change my mind about who I wanted to be, and be with. That was so disgustingly wrong on my part that I'm sick just typing the words.

The thing is, it doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of horrible things I've done and said to him to twist his brain around to believing that one day I would change my mind.

I should have treated him like an ex from the second I walked away from the relationship, not as a friend. Even if that's what he's been to me the entire time. A best friend that I leaned on constantly.

What have I learned from this? A lot I think, don't fuck with peoples emotions. Don't play around and blur the lines between friendship and love. Give back patience, time and attention to my friends. Keep up certain boundaries with the opposite sex.

All right..hopefully the bored readers have excused themselves from this boringness and therefore will not be partaking of my next section of news.

I have made a new blog dedicated to my sexual relationship with Michael. Why you ask? It's kind of a long and hard story. Shorthand: I am a masochist. Have been one my entire life. I'm quite interested in exploring where this will take me and Michael now that he's agreed to give it a try. Don't get any big ideas people, we're moving slow and starting off easy. For the sake of art though, I have created a place to get the most erotic moments of this down on "paper" so to speak, in case I need the "footage" for a story or script later on. You can flow through to my blog of the accounts here.

That's all I have in terms of updates for this week. I still have 13 pounds to lose by my birthday, but I did buy the tickets, so it's certain that Michael and I will be celebrating in style with my true love, Justin of Blue October! Hopefully I'll fit into my, hot as hell, Goth plaid pink dress by then.