You're a mystery yourself.

I find it really funny that my father called me today. Yesterday I was telling mike how I'm finished wanting his help, his approval and his love. He has not contacted me in months, even though he's now living and working a mere 20 minutes from where I live.

I started thinking maybe Vince had it right, maybe its useless to try to force something that was never there to begin with..and I decided I don't want to try to shove him into a box he'll never fit in.

..and then he calls me today. It's like he felt the unleash of my emotions and knew he better call because it's now or never.

I didn't answer. I don't think I'm going to. He can leave a message if he wants to speak with me, because from now on I'm screening. Screening my emotions and stilling my heart against his "almost" love.

This beef and cheese nonsense is almost over, and I'm going to pursue Loyola and the gym hard, I'm going to flesh out my body and my mind until I'm happy with what I see in the mirror.

It's Yule today..something special is supposed to be happening, but unfortunately I didn't work out the foresight or desire to work through that ahead of time.

Sometimes I don't mind letting what fades away go...like my relationship with Samantha or Brett, my relationship with my Dad or holidays like Yule...
..I have my family, and he's taking a shower in the other room. I don't mind spending every day on the sofa with him resting his head between my legs. It's awesome in that place, and I don't care what the world thinks about me.

My friends give me that...Masella does, and so does Joe...a place where I know I'm protected and nurtured from the outer judgements and persecutions of others, and it's nice in that place too.