You're a mystery yourself.

I disappearing into the snow.

I find myself sitting on the futon after a long time, mike in the bedroom, far too often.

I changed it up last night. Slept in the bed.

I really do want to have a dinner for Yule. I was thinking about making a big pasta dish. Or chicken? I don't know..I was thinking of what it would look like, candles all lit, people sitting and talking, maybe I'd pass around a bowl of questions. Alcohol. I wonder if Samantha would come out. I'd really like that.

I want to do it..but i'm scared it will be a bust.

Maybe I won't do it...maybe i'll just continue to disappear. It's easier.

I need to get my car fixed, do the laundry, finish Christmas shopping, and take care of myself a bit more.


...and maybe connect with my boyfriend..if he'll let me.