You're a mystery yourself.

Pausing for a moment to write down some thoughts.

Jenny from work scares the shit out of me. I haven't gone up against anyone in quite sometime. All my friends are guys, so I've managed to lay low on the drama scale. Then there comes this girl from work. She's put words in my mouth, bitched about me behind my back, ect ect.

I don't know how to proceed here. My mind is telling me to just ignore it, just freeze and make the minimum amount of attention..but I still feel scared.

I'm sure there's strength inside me, an animal ready to attack at the very moment I feel threatened. I don't know if I want to let her out of the cage...for now I will take the path of least conflict and hope that most of my friends will be able to work it out for themselves that I'm not whatever she might say that I am..

In other news I've decided that Monday means back on the diet train. I still want to lost 15 pounds by Christmas, my gift to myself. I know I can do, and starting Monday I'm going to give it my best shot.

I'm happy to have cleaned the apartment. The front room still needs some work...maybe I'll be able to get to that tonight...and laundry.

Sometimes I worry that I spend too much time in the fantastical world and not enough in real life. It probably isn't good to float on clouds for too long I don't want to drift back down to earth to find that because I wasn't paying close enough attention I let the things that matter most just slip away from me.

It has come to my attention that I have no idea what I'm doing. I am BARELY making my way through this life. I'm sure as hell not taking a conventional approach, and the reason I've managed to make it this far is because mike provides for me.

...sometimes I look at him, brushing his teeth or looking for a clean pair of pants and I hate myself for letting him work so hard. I look at him so tired and barely alive and hate myself for taking everything from him and not giving enough back.

It really wasn't his responsibility to clean the apartment. He pays the bills. The least I can do is make sure he has a clean home and clean clothing to come home to. That and maybe a hot meal. AT LEAST.

I would probably do well to remember that.

Make the appointment at Loyola Ally.

I don't want to owe anything to anyone.

That's a goal i'm setting for myself. To become 100% self sufficient.

...but in the immediate future i'll settle with just not forgetting to say thank you to those who provide for me.